Charmain, Part III
(This story told with Charmain’s full permission.)
Charmain’s saga is long, long, long, and we’ve only been a part of it for almost three years! She helped write Part III!
Charmain, Part I: What Does $25 Buy? tells the story of having lunch with Charmain at Aladdin’s, one of our sponsors. I recounted Charmain’s deepening alcoholism and addiction, which began with her sipping whiskey from her father’s glass before she started kindergarten. Charmain had recently finished nine months at Liberty Manor and was well on her recovery journey, with one cloud in the sky—a man, who distracted her from her journey.
Charmain, Part II: A Statistic named Charmain recounts how that man precipated a relapse with her daughter, and a trip back to prison. I asked the question about whether her relapse damaged our program “outcomes,” since she had not successfully stayed clean and in recovery. I suggested that Charmain knew she was loved and important—and that was an outcome worth supporting, even if her journey to recovery was not successful.
And this begins Charmain, Part III. This is one fish that I was not going to let get away. Not only had we invested an enormous amount of time and energy in Charmain, I truly loved her. She was not a statistic, or another failure, she was Charmain. So I hunted her down, looking up her name in the NY State Department of Corrections and found her at Bedford Hills, the largest women’s prison in New York, maximum security. She was astounded that I had found her and written to her and still cared. From Bedford Charmain went to shock camp—like military boot camp for three months, and then came back to Rochester in October.
While she was still at Bedford, we connected Charmain with Mary, a wonderful 80+ year old woman from our Friends with Women in Recovery program. They began corresponding immediately and enjoy a fun and supportive friendship, beneficial to both of them.
One of the most painful pieces of Charmain’s relapse was the collapse of her relationship with her beautiful daughter, Destiny, now 11 years old. When Charmain returned to Rochester, Destiny’s trust had been so badly damaged that she didn’t know if she wanted to see her again. Destiny’s father was very protective and also concerned about the contact.
We had the privilege of connecting Charmain and Destiny for the first time on Christmas Eve. Destiny’s father told Charmain she could see Destiny, but he would not provide transportation or bring Destiny to Charmain. As it happened, I pastor a church close to where they would be for Christmas so Destiny and Charmain were able to reunite at church on Christmas Eve. The eyes of both shone with joy as they hugged, shared gifts and sat together in the candlelit service. Now Destiny enjoys coming and staying with Charmain in her little studio apartment at the YWCA.
Folks comment on Charmain’s quiet and peaceful demeanor—a side of Charmain I had never seen before. One of our mottos is living from a different place and Charmain exemplifies that. She’s maneuvering tricky waters as her older daughter relapsed again, this time leaving a four month old beautiful daughter in foster care. She goes to meetings daily, is faithful with her outpatient treatment and is jumping through every hoop set up for her—and with no complaints.
Charmain is emerging as a leader. She has already spoken on behalf of our program and plays a significant role in our follow up program with women who have left Liberty Manor or other intensive residential programs. She has brought numerous women into our groups and they’ve responded enthusiastically. She serves on the committee for our Third Annual Cabaret.
